The ways in which we relate to, interact with, and exist around others are diverse and complex. With this conceptual model, I attempt to outline a simplified theoretical framework that captures some of the main ways in which we connect with others. The hierarchical representation is intended to convey the decreasing value of each successive state in consideration of one’s emotional independence. In other words, the various states are listed from most to least desirable, with the exception of the null state of misantrhopy.
Here is my proposed hierarchy:
0. Misanthropy
1. Indifference
2. Desire
3. Fulfilment
4. Co-dependency
5. Dependence
For this discussion, we will classify misanthropy as a negative state characterised by dislike towards others. It may be accompanied with avoidance. It is not mutually exclusive with, but may in some cases preclude, emotional sovereignty.
Indifference towards other sentient creatures represents true emotional independence. He who is indifferent is equally content in solitude as he is in the company of others. His mental state is divorced from the influence of external social triggers. He thrives on his own but is also capable of deriving value from his interactions with others. He does not possess a preference or need for those interactions, instead being strategic with how he selects and navigates those moments.
A desire for human connection and external validation is innate and comes in various strengths but may develop into a need. A maladaptive desire for connection may spill over into the pathological sphere of co-dependency. In this case, the individual might also experience withdrawal effects from a lack of close emotional bonds with others and so will prioritise seeking and maintaining those connections.
Some may seek or derive fulfilment from others because they lack the fortitude or presence to supply their own fulfilment from within. These individuals may be lacking in self-sufficiency and other emotional resources, requiring others to elevate their own state instead of being able to supply their own emotional uplift.
Those who are completely unable to operate independently in an emotional sense require constant attention from others who must be willing to provide or give up that resource. Without a robust internal mechanism to regulate his mindset, the dependant man finds himself at the mercy of his social environment. His state of mind is dictated by the actions and words of those who supply him with attention.
A high tendency towards traits like creativity, introspection and thoughtfulness often favours emotional independence in an individual. He who is absorbed in his pursuit of knowledge and understanding requires little from others in the way of emotional validation. His social environment serves mostly to distract him from his quest for ascension, and so he values those moments of solitude where he alone can parse through his reality and strengthen his resolve to thrive.
What does all of this mean to the self-governing man who follows only his own way? Such a man may associate with different social relational states as he carves his path through life. Indeed, he invariably finds himself totally dependent on the protection and provision of his father at the start of his journey. And in an ideal case, he learns to fend for himself and eventually reaches the pinnacle of male sovereignty. Failing that, he may find himself trapped in the clutches of co-dependency, locked behind the gates of need.
It is said that he who cares the most wins, but in the case of how we exist within a social environment, perhaps this is counterproductive. Could the secret lie in rising above our external social influences? Could it be that indifference is a key step towards achieving emotional independence? After all, the more we separate from that which brings no value, the quicker we can escape the trivial and reach towards something greater. And there is no greater force than a man’s resolve to walk alone and ascend in ways that only the subjects of myth once knew. Such force knows no obstacles and is meant only for the few.
