SON WATCHING his MOTHER & GRANDMA DIE (CHINA, COVID-19)

I had horrible parents growing up. Always sabotaging everything for me, my brother, and my half-siblings. I don't care if I die in this timeline because I never had a future. I'm disabled, all my siblings disabled too, my full biological brother hung himself in a psycheward in 2002 and I already gave up the will to live. I await whats coming for me to take my life and have no will to go on anymore. I tell the future generations to go back in time and kill the root of all evil so everything resets for the better and my brother and I hopefully can be alive and erased from the void of non-existence.

My mom has cared more about her dumb fictional TV, movies, and celebrities more than her own children. When I was a kid, I couldn't talk to her without her mentioning anything from the goddamn broadcasting shit.

Truly I believe that my mom only stopped me from at many times in my life from committing suicide so she can profit off of it. She's a sharmuta and I'm not taking that word back.

My mom can have all the fun watching TV alone when I'm gone because I told her recently that she would die alone.

@BlackPilledBeltMonkkido: i could understand from your perspective as it sounds like they were shit to you. your life is what you make of it, but i also understand the endless feeling of committing suicide, i still think of it to this day, hell i would rather take my own life than go through what these ppl are going through with this virus. there were times back when i was younger when i hated my parents. but i found some of the things i hated were also things that protected me. this is why i say a person can be black pilled as well as red pilled simultaneously while trying to go my own way. some of the things i went through that made me think of suicide were often irrational fears that led me to think those emotions. this is why i feel it's extremely important that a space like this website exists for men as men in general have shit lives compared to women by far and it's important to express the feelings. venting is a good thing, because otherwise it's bottled up and can lead to suicide over something small and insignificant because it was the straw that broke the camels back.

@SentientVerity: I went to the void twice and came back involuntarily which pissed me off. I hate this system, my reason for being an anarchist, but now they don't care anymore with this stupid virus if people live or die so that's it.

@SentientVerity: No one wants to go through suicide, but they do it because they have no choice in a shitty timeline surrounded by shitty human beings.

@BlackPilledBeltMonkkido: my mom also values too much tv as her pass time, however i don't really blame her for this because she's disabled, sure it was by her own accord getting the diebeties and she will still eat shit that causes more damage down the road, i guess in a way if your going out anyway, you might as well do the things that give you some happiness before you die. i have felt this way as well with some of my issues. someone once told me that it takes time to heal and time could mean physically or mentally and often requires a person to pace themselves and learn to live this way. find some kind of joy in life even if it's constant distractions. if it keeps my thoughts away from suicide than it's worth it.

@BlackPilledBeltMonkkido: this probably sounds like i'm talking in 3d person. but i made a deal with myself, if my pain becomes to painful, i will off myself because i can not live in constant pain forever and it's cruel to make anyone go through it until death takes you. so far most of my pain is at bay. but everyone has that threshold when they can't take it anymore.

i was raised christian. and it is said in the bible that if you take your own life you will go to hell which i think is nonsense. why would god be so cruel? i no longer believe in god because i think most of the book was created to control ppl to keep them in line much like how a government and laws keep ppl in line.

@SentientVerity: Yes the whole suicide shtick in the bibble in part of the ones who claim power because they said so. The bible was written in a book by man. If all these things in the bible were true then we would all be dead from incest, but instead a few selected evil bloodlines did on and off incest to keep themselves afloat to fuck up the future.